Fucking awesome, James! You told it like it is with no shame! I commend you, dude. This article was a stamp of approval for everything you wrote. Nobody could have expressed like you just did. Could you keep them coming? ❤️❤️🌹
Cocktail waitress in the early 70s working my way through university. Bashed a guy’s nose with my little round serving tray when he called me a cute cunt.
Oh how this rings so true for another “ back in the day” Houston 1982 after giving 5 last calls to the last man leaning… (way too many Long Island Ice Teas back before we had the authority to cut em off) When I said “hey, drink it down now or I’ll have to take it” well 10 minutes later he was still holding on to it so when I said sorry it’s gotta go, I reached over and in a flash he grabbed my hand and bit it so hard I nearly fainted. My manager grabbed him by the collar dragged him across the table and threw him out. And the prominent scar on my hand reminds me every single time the world of fucksticks who absolutely need to clean bathrooms and wash dishes in a restaurant or bar before getting a high school diploma.
How ultimately importing shed the skin cells off the body by naming the things instead of burying the things…. For me, sluffing and exfoliating the shit my brain serves up, in any given moment is the exhale I need to keep the automatic breath response happening.
I’m so very glad that you found this place to connect. Because the little daisies I find in the midst of the field of shit are the breath for the shit the world is serving up on the reg.
Your writing is rough and raw and so so very important that you need to know that I am touched and inspired and frankly grateful I’ve lived through my mind trying to kill me daily.
Jesus. Another nightmare story from this sordid industry. I’m reading this as I stand behind the bar and cut fruit, so miserable and disgruntled that I’m ready to walk the fuck out, find a needle, load it with enough dope to kill several horses, and meet your bastard God with a crooked smirk.
Beautiful depiction of hell, Connor. As always, I see into the soul of the soulless existence you have described with unnerving clarity. The mighty pen!
Curious about the Long Island Iced Tea comment? I don't drink them (I rarely drink at all but favour a soft, girly Japanese Slipper if I'm ordering a cocktail) - is it because of the high alcohol content or the kind of person who orders them? Excellent piece.
As a veteran barfly, I can pretty confidently say I never committed any of the sins you listed. I see the bartender as a service person who I don't know. I wait until they're done serving every other asshole at the bar before they get to me to ask them to get me a drink or a bite to eat, I thank them for bringing me whatever I asked for, I never expect them to be my friend, and I tip at least 20%.
It's only hard to accomplish this very easily accomplishable list of human interactions if you're not completely obsessed with yourself.
Also I had a brief stint as a waiter, like you suggested, so that helped. Waiting tables showed me what an incredibly unpleasant, virtually thankless, tedious work it was to be in the service industry, and it was work I never mastered. I would rather do almost anything else than that dance
This was tough to read, because I can’t imagine not greeting a server/bartender ESPECIALLY if they greet you pleasantly. Obviously I’m a naïf and I’m sorry that people are so shitty. Guess I should know better at my age. That said, your wounds are fresh and leap off the page as a result. I simultaneously hope that sharing them is therapy or release for you and that you get out forever, on your own terms, as I look forward to more of your stories. I hope that makes sense.
Appreciate the comment and the kind words, Sherman. I'm not sure I'll ever get out and it breaks my soul a little more each day. Regardless, here I am.
If you absolutely must, start studying classic cocktails, spirits, beer, and wine. YouTube is your best friend, you can learn everything you need for free on there. That is if you want to be a bartender eventually. If not, you should still have some knowledge, but being a barback is more about supporting the bartender and helping them prepare. You are essentially the bartender's assistant. If you're working at a busy bar, make sure you don't take anything personally. When a barman is in the shit, he might be short with you, but it's only because the job is high-stress, and he's probably got a lot on his mind.
Mr. Tolmach is the best YouTuber for mixology. Hands down. He works at Mace here in NYC.
It really depends on what type of bar you're going to work at. I'm in fine dining, which is a vastly different world from dive bars and fast-casual restaurants. Message me and I'll answer any questions you have.
I was a cocktail waitress at Coconuts in Cleveland Ohio much of the 90's. This is spot on - some great times and a lot of bs. II never forgot this one woman who stopped me to let me know "how embarrassed she was for me." I was a "shooter girl" that night. All these year later still kind of stings. She had no idea what life I was living then. I agree. Every person should work in food/beverage service at least once. ✌️
Thanks, Victoria. Our guests never know the horror unfolding behind our eyes. It's an industry of the broken, for the broken. I know it stings, but all the bastards will pay their dues someday, too.
Fucking awesome, James! You told it like it is with no shame! I commend you, dude. This article was a stamp of approval for everything you wrote. Nobody could have expressed like you just did. Could you keep them coming? ❤️❤️🌹
Of course, Yolanda. I'll never stop. Thanks for the comment, you always make me smile!
Cocktail waitress in the early 70s working my way through university. Bashed a guy’s nose with my little round serving tray when he called me a cute cunt.
I know your pain.
What a story! I'd love to hear more about how it was back in the day!
I'd imagine it wasn't great for women... Maybe I could interview you sometime?
Thanks so much for reading, Gloria.
Oh how this rings so true for another “ back in the day” Houston 1982 after giving 5 last calls to the last man leaning… (way too many Long Island Ice Teas back before we had the authority to cut em off) When I said “hey, drink it down now or I’ll have to take it” well 10 minutes later he was still holding on to it so when I said sorry it’s gotta go, I reached over and in a flash he grabbed my hand and bit it so hard I nearly fainted. My manager grabbed him by the collar dragged him across the table and threw him out. And the prominent scar on my hand reminds me every single time the world of fucksticks who absolutely need to clean bathrooms and wash dishes in a restaurant or bar before getting a high school diploma.
By the way, thanks for sharing.
How ultimately importing shed the skin cells off the body by naming the things instead of burying the things…. For me, sluffing and exfoliating the shit my brain serves up, in any given moment is the exhale I need to keep the automatic breath response happening.
I’m so very glad that you found this place to connect. Because the little daisies I find in the midst of the field of shit are the breath for the shit the world is serving up on the reg.
Your writing is rough and raw and so so very important that you need to know that I am touched and inspired and frankly grateful I’ve lived through my mind trying to kill me daily.
Thank you very much, Michelle. I appreciate it.
And don't listen to your mind. Well, listen to it sometimes. But not when it tells you to die.
Jesus. Another nightmare story from this sordid industry. I’m reading this as I stand behind the bar and cut fruit, so miserable and disgruntled that I’m ready to walk the fuck out, find a needle, load it with enough dope to kill several horses, and meet your bastard God with a crooked smirk.
But that’s how I feel every day.
A society where tipping is necessary to survive is one still in slavery. 😢
Agreed.
No truth like a hard truth. And easiest to tell when enraged. Just an amazing piece of gloves off throttling.
100%
Anger is such a pure form of expression. Not to say always welcome but uh oh, too bad.
Thanks for your comment and support, friend. Cheers.
Thank you! Anger’s not always bad, just depends on how you release it.
I hope you’re able to find a better job.
This is what I do.
It doesn't seem like it makes you happy, but I could be wrong.
Writing is the only job that could ever make me happy.
So I push on. Beat on.
Boats against the current and such.
Beautiful depiction of hell, Connor. As always, I see into the soul of the soulless existence you have described with unnerving clarity. The mighty pen!
Thank you, Marc!
Amen to all that and a little more thereof.
Indeed. Thanks, Luis. I appreciate the comment/support.
Love to hear your voice on this. Transports. x
"I don't give a single fuck." zero fucks. :D
Thank you so much! I put a lot into the audio, so I appreciate it.
Every word of this
Indeed, friend.
Indeed.
Curious about the Long Island Iced Tea comment? I don't drink them (I rarely drink at all but favour a soft, girly Japanese Slipper if I'm ordering a cocktail) - is it because of the high alcohol content or the kind of person who orders them? Excellent piece.
Oh, man. Midori. A product Japan should disown.
I got this question before, and I'm happy to say that I describe it in detail in "AN INDUSTRY FOR THE BROKEN, PART TWO."
It's more the people who order them than the actual drink, but the drink is godawful, too.
Stay tuned, part two explains all.
As a veteran barfly, I can pretty confidently say I never committed any of the sins you listed. I see the bartender as a service person who I don't know. I wait until they're done serving every other asshole at the bar before they get to me to ask them to get me a drink or a bite to eat, I thank them for bringing me whatever I asked for, I never expect them to be my friend, and I tip at least 20%.
It's only hard to accomplish this very easily accomplishable list of human interactions if you're not completely obsessed with yourself.
Also I had a brief stint as a waiter, like you suggested, so that helped. Waiting tables showed me what an incredibly unpleasant, virtually thankless, tedious work it was to be in the service industry, and it was work I never mastered. I would rather do almost anything else than that dance
A dance is what it is. Not everyone commits these atrocities, but it happens more often than not.
Thanks for not being a dick.
I appreciate your support!
Wonderful read. Thank you.
Thank YOU, Carolyn. Stay tuned for my next article this Thursday.
This was tough to read, because I can’t imagine not greeting a server/bartender ESPECIALLY if they greet you pleasantly. Obviously I’m a naïf and I’m sorry that people are so shitty. Guess I should know better at my age. That said, your wounds are fresh and leap off the page as a result. I simultaneously hope that sharing them is therapy or release for you and that you get out forever, on your own terms, as I look forward to more of your stories. I hope that makes sense.
Appreciate the comment and the kind words, Sherman. I'm not sure I'll ever get out and it breaks my soul a little more each day. Regardless, here I am.
Much more to come. Stay tuned.
Riveting read, James - It hit home! I will be searching for a barback job soon for extra cash ... first time ... any advice?
My advice: don't.
If you absolutely must, start studying classic cocktails, spirits, beer, and wine. YouTube is your best friend, you can learn everything you need for free on there. That is if you want to be a bartender eventually. If not, you should still have some knowledge, but being a barback is more about supporting the bartender and helping them prepare. You are essentially the bartender's assistant. If you're working at a busy bar, make sure you don't take anything personally. When a barman is in the shit, he might be short with you, but it's only because the job is high-stress, and he's probably got a lot on his mind.
Mr. Tolmach is the best YouTuber for mixology. Hands down. He works at Mace here in NYC.
It really depends on what type of bar you're going to work at. I'm in fine dining, which is a vastly different world from dive bars and fast-casual restaurants. Message me and I'll answer any questions you have.
Cheers, and thanks for the read!
Thanks a million, James, for your advice and insight (it helped), and keeping your channel of communication open. Have a great day.
Anytime, brother. I’m always here.
I was a cocktail waitress at Coconuts in Cleveland Ohio much of the 90's. This is spot on - some great times and a lot of bs. II never forgot this one woman who stopped me to let me know "how embarrassed she was for me." I was a "shooter girl" that night. All these year later still kind of stings. She had no idea what life I was living then. I agree. Every person should work in food/beverage service at least once. ✌️
Thanks, Victoria. Our guests never know the horror unfolding behind our eyes. It's an industry of the broken, for the broken. I know it stings, but all the bastards will pay their dues someday, too.
New article is coming next week!
I was a bar back/busser from 1988 to 1991.
You brought back so many memories with your piece.
Best thing I have read in the three months I have been on Substack.
Thank you so very much, David. Glad you enjoyed the piece, I knew those who have been there would relate.
Cheers, friend.